it's been quite a while since i've posted here but anyway, whenever i can't post here, i just wrote it on my notepad in the office. last feb. 16-18, i took a short leave just to unwind and distress but what i wrote on VL form was i'll be preparing for my mock board exam. i am a big fat liar cause the truth is, i was supposed to finish my writings in Law which obviously didn't happen. In the middle of writing, i realized that i was too serious of getting this through while i see some of my classmates at ease. well i know for a fact that i'm far different from them but some of them were incomplete in Law 1 also under Fiscal dela cruz and yet he accepted them?? the thought of all these made me really sick so i pause for a while and told myself "hey, enjoy your leave!" so i threw my pens, notebook and book, turn the tv on and watch til i fell asleep, the next day, i went food trippin' . and that was it. i felt the energy back. Also last valentines day i wrote something and it here it goes,
"Whilst the whole world is celebrating this hearts month with the most important person in their life, whether it’s their bf, gf, friends, classmates, officemates, etc., I am here in the office doing my daily routine . On my way here, I’ve seen so many couples with flowers of different kinds and colors arranged in several styles. Some with small bears and many others that attributed this Valentine season. Truly, love is in the air.
Nothing is significant on this day for me, just like any other day. I prefer to celebrate this valentine season this way and that is to commit myself to work. I personally don’t think why some other girls are going gaga and looking forward on this day. The idea of receiving flowers, chocolates, teddy bears nor anything are just a waste of money for me. It may sound absurd but really, those are not my thing. Both baby and I are on duty today. Just a simple greeting already made my day.
While starring at my computer blankly, I just thought that I was not able to go to church on my birthday. I pause for a while and offer a small prayer. I asked for His guidance and to unload my burdens. Peace of mind is what I am asking right at this very moment and to unload burdens which I can’t bear anymore. My mind is occupied of so many things – about my studies and thinking if I am pregnant and the consequences I might face. The latter is the hardest thing to bear . I’m praying to God not to happen that at this time. I just can’t hold on to my promise to abstain from doing “that thing”. My boyfriend though assured me that nothing penetrates in me. We openly talked about not conceiving a baby at this moment. I need to finish school first and to fulfill my obligations to my parents. Besides we are not capable yet of having one. Though I do not entertain the thought of having a baby means the end of everything, for me it would be the end of enjoying my life. To travel is what I wanted to do first before settling down. I will be lost if I will be pregnant anytime soon. Pls. God, help me win this battle within me."
Thanks God cause during my first day on training, i had my period. Just when everything on my head is planned accordingly if the possibility turned to reality. I'm really sorry God.
I am on training until Tuesday from 1PM-10PM. I turn on the tv and few minutes more, i log on to my laptop and watched movies. goshh, it was last christmas since i went to the cinema. but that's okay, it's part of my saving plan.. sister will be marching soon and that means expenditures..so excited for her. all her sacrifices are truly worth it. next year, it will be our turn with my other sister. This is one thing i promise myself, comes June, no single moment must be wasted, abolish tardiness and focus more, concentrate more. ♦sigh♦..
so much of that, i gotta wash my clothes. tomorrow, my friend rose and i will enroll in fitness center.and oh, we're having a plan to go to cebu-bohol this May. kinda excited but i don't think i can go with them.rose and i will start our business and got to pay my credit card..
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